Hi, everyone. It’s been a while, I know. Exams seem to get in the way of everything, but they’re are finally over so everything should return to normal…
Only, I’m not really sure what normal is anymore. I’ve been antagonising over a lot of things lately. Mostly, I’ve been thinking about the type of person I want to be and whether the choices I’ve made have brought me any closer to becoming that person. So far, the answer is a resounding no. I’m at a point in my life where I’ve reached a crossroads and I’m not certain what to do or which way to go.
It’s the age-old dilemma of whether to choose head over heart.
Right now, I’m doing the smart thing, taking the conventional route to “success” (which if you translate it carefully, means money). I know that if I push through I’ll be able to live comfortably, have a stable job and be able to take care of my family who has sacrificed so much for me. Yet, I am filled with overwhelming unhappiness. The further I step down this road, the more colour drains out of the scenery. I am not happy.
Then, we have the impractical alternative. At this stage, it’s nothing more than a hazy dream and yet the prospect alone has my heart doing acrobatics. I want to be doing something I can pour my heart into. I want to remember what it’s like to feel passionate about something. The path towards this indistinct dream is definitely the more beautiful of the two, but it is also treacherous, uneven and disappears from view at times. It’s not safe. I’m used to playing it safe.
Still, I feel a sense of urgency growing. I feel that I’ll need to make a decision soon: head or heart.
…or time. Perhaps, what I really need is the time to explore both options. Unfortunately, time is something we all have precious little to spare these days.
But it’s okay. I’ll figure things out and be on the right track soon, I hope.