Posted in Perspectives

I’m Tired of Giving Up

Last week, I told my mother I was struggling with my mental health. She asked if school was too tough. I told her it was, but that there was more to it. Then, she asked if I wanted to quit med school.

For a moment, I sat dumbfounded.  The thought had run through my mind on many occasions and for the week preceding this conversation, I’d been telling my friends that I wanted to leave. However, when asked the question, my immediate and visceral response was no.

I sank down into my bed and thought about it. I knew why I’d wanted to leave. The toxic competitive environment and long hours that prevented me from pursuing my other interests were reason enough, but I never thought about why I’d want to stay.

Obviously, there must have been a really good reason. I’d responded so automatically. Sure, there were financial and logistical reasons, but I realised that, above all, I didn’t want to be seen as a quitter.

I have a habit of starting things and not seeing them through. It’s something I’ve always resented about myself. Two weeks ago I was even ready to quit blogging. But, I don’t want to be a quitter. Yes, giving up would disappoint the people who’ve been cheering me on (or the people who are expecting to gain from my success), but more than that, I don’t think I could live with the regret of not seeing this through. I’ve disappointed myself too many times before.

So, I’ll grind my teeth and look for a silver lining. Maybe I’ll rediscover a passion for medicine as time wears on or maybe I’ll find a way to make the time to do everything I love. All I know is I’m tired of giving up.


5 thoughts on “I’m Tired of Giving Up

Let me know what you think.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s