I was going to write a short story tonight and put it up for you all since I haven’t done that in a while. There’s this concept I’ve been fiddling with for a while, but I didn’t really know where I wanted to go with it until this morning in one of my lectures. We were watching a video on spine immobilisation and suddenly, I had this incredible brainstorm (completely unrelated to spines or immobilisation).
I had the draft done within ten minutes. But, now I’m sitting here and the words won’t fit together on my screen as well as they did in my head. I wouldn’t call this writer’s block. The ideas are there. It’s just that every time I try to shape them into the story I envisioned in my head, I get this sort of twisting sensation in my chest.
I guess we all have days like this where we know exactly what we want to do, but when it comes to the execution, we freeze up. It can sometimes be difficult to pinpoint why we feel this way, but today, I make no excuses. I’ve been writing about confidence so often, but here I am, still afraid of putting myself out there – still afraid of making mistakes.
I’m not sure what I expected. Maybe that some switch would flip and undo the damage caused by years of self-doubt. People can say the most terrible things about you, but no one can hurt you as much as you can hurt yourself. I guess learning to love yourself, with all your flaws and mistakes takes more time than I reckoned.
This must be what it means to be a work in progress.